Laptops, Chaos, and the Problems with Fanfiction
by paper riku
Summary: The smashers get ahold of a laptop with internet connection, and discover funny youtube videos, terrifyingly accurate wikis, and most horrifyingly of all... fanfiction. And look at that! I'm back! Rated T for certain fanfictions referenced
1. Prologue Part 1

** This fanfiction is, simply put, a test to see if I can actually write a full story. To accomplish this, I decided to write the first chapter as a stand alone one-shot. It deals with the plotlines of other fanfiction, which I didn't write, and thus don't own. I'll mention the specifics according to the chapter they appeared in.**

** This is a fanfiction based on the reactions of some of Smash Mansion's residents to that fanfiction in question. In other words, a fanfiction of a fanfiction! (btw, I do not own the Super Smash Brothers series, or any of it's charecters.)**

* * *

Prologue

The Madness Begins

It was all that worker R.O.B's fault. If the stupid machine hadn't broken down, none of this would have happened. Pikachu was strolling about the grounds, carelessly enjoying the scenery, when he (is it a he?) saw one of the worker bots malfunctioning on a bench. Carefully peering onto the bench, he found that the robot's wires had been exposed, for reasons the world may never know. Peering inside of the R.O.B, Pikachu found an odd rectangle lodged inside of the circuitry. Curious, the Pikachu quickly grabbed the rectangular prism by the mouth and brought back inside, dragging it all the way to his dorm room.

There he, his roommate Jigglypuff, and fellow pokéman Squirtle investigated the odd device that Pikachu had dragged in.

"_What do ya think it is?" _asked Pikachu.

_ "Don't know," _replied Jigglypuff.

_ "It's probably a bomb," _Squirtle somehow inquired.

_ "Squirts, you think EVERYTHING'S a bomb!" _snappily replied the pink Pokémon.

_ "That's not true!"_

_ "Says the person who accused his own pokéball of hoarding a Bob-omb."_

_ "Shut up, 'Puff!"_

_ "Will the two of you stop arguing for just a moment of your existances!" _yelled Pikachu.

That shut the two up. Pikachu hated to be the serious leader.

"_In that case," _Jigglypuff said, freaked out by Pikachu's sudden burst of seriousness,_ "Squirts should bring the… thing back to Red. He'd know what to do with it."_

_ "I doubt it. After he went on vacation to Kanto and somehow lost to Youngster Joey and his top percentage __Rattata, he has been obsessively trying to catch everything in sight, thinking it's a rare Legendary Pokémon. Red would probably chuck a pokeball at it," _Confessed Squirtle._ "We need someone who isn't crazy _(that ruled off over half of the Mansion, and the rest were just… odd) _and can understand us._

The pokémon were rather stumped. No one present in the dorm could speak human (though the Pokémon understood the language quite well), and no one else spoke Pokémon. Even Red could only understand them a bit from how long he had owned his. Then there was Lucario. He could speak both Pokémon and human perfectly, but he was on a meditation retreat. Just as it seemed that they would be forced to keep this astounding discovery to themselves, Jigglypuff remembered an often forgotten, but important fact.

_"What about Ness and Lucas" _Jigglypuff asked. _"Back in the 64 days, he and I used to talk to each other all the time. We lived in the same dorm, being secret characters and all, so we had lots of time together. I assume that that's 'cause he's psychic."_

The idea struck the thunder mouse as brilliant. _ "That's brilliant, Jigglypuff! Only question is, who'll bring the, err…package?"_

All eyes glared at Squirts, who gloomily began to drag the package to the dorm of Lucas, Ness, and Toon Link, blissfully unaware of the chaos that the package would cause.

* * *

**Soo… should I continue? Work has already started on the next chapter, so looks like you all don't have a choice. Still, some feedback would be lovely. Consider this as part one of two in the series introduction. As I have a soft spot for the Mother/ Earthbound series, they'll be the first to feel the chaos a laptop can bring. Wait a minute…**


	2. Prologue Part 2

** One day and a whole two reviews later and I have come to a conclusion. The story will not be just disconnected one-shots. Every chapter will tie into the main story. Since this is still the prologue, I won't include any fanfictions in this chapter. Still, I don't own the Super Smash Bros series, it's characters, or any fanfictions based on it (this story the only obvious exception. One last thing, I'm using new dividers.**

* * *

Finally, at the intended destination, Squritle collapsed out of exhaustion. Dragging large black packages sure wasted a lot of energy. The door opened, and out popped a young, blonde boy. His hair was curled up Elvis-Style, but leaning a bit too far to Squirt's left. Looking down, the boy blushed at the sight of the exhausted Pokémon. Picking him up at the sides, the boy carried Squirtle and the black package still in the clutches of his jaws.

Inside, the boy and a blonde companion beside him examined the Pokémon, or more precisely, the package in his mouth.

The Elvis-haired boy was the first to speak. "What do you think this is, 'Toon?"

The other boy, "Toon", took and thought, long and hard, and said, "Don't know, Lucas. What do you think this is, Squirtle?"

_"Don't know. Pikachu found it wedged inside of a R.O.B," replied the water type._

Toon merely stood there, clearly not understanding what the Squirtle had just said. Lucas (at least that's what Toon called him), on the other hand, stared at Squirtle oddly. Had the human understood him?

Squirtle's suspicions were confirmed rather quickly. The blonde regained his composition and asked the water type a question. "Wait, why was a Happy Box lodged in a R.O.B?" asked Lucas.

_"Don't know. Wait, it's called a… YOU CAN UNDERSAND ME?" _

"Of course I can. All psychics can talk to animals."

Squirtle took in a deep breath of fresh air. That was the hard part. Now, to understand what this thing was… The pokémon's thoughts were interrupted by the sudden blast of fire that flipped him over. Standing in flesh was Ness of the original 12 smashers. Lucas was about to explain when the psychic held up the "Happy Box" like it was divine gold of something.

"THANK MARIA! This, this is what I have longed years for! Finally!" exclaimed Ness.

"What's so good about a Happy Box?" questioned Lucas.

"This is no stupid 'Happy Box'. THIS IS A LAPTOP!"

"A what?"

"Laptops are the best things ever made! I've begged Master Hand for one, but I never got a response. I can connect back home now!"

Toon interrupted the exchange, saying, "Well, I don't find what makes them so good. I write letters home all the time."

Ness shot a blank stare at the cell-shaded boy. "Laptops connect to the internet, which is a bazillion times faster than writing stupid letters. Not to mention, the internet has tons of videos and news and stories and other cool stuff. Why settle for less?" explained Ness. "My friend told me about it not to long after the 64 days.

A concerned Lucas raised a small problem, asking, but if there's just one, how are we supposed to all enjoy it?"

Ness shot another blank stare at Lucas. His friends could be so clueless sometimes. Seriously, if Lucas was a girl, he'd be a total blonde. "That's why we share, Lucas," explained Ness.

Lucas decided to raise another stupid question. "How do we use it?" asked the stupid psychic.

"Simple. Watch and learn." With that, Ness pressed the on button, connecting them to the world wide web. Oh, if only they knew what they were getting themselves into.

* * *

** If only they knew. From now on, most chapters are going to be about from 1 to 1.5 times the size of these first two chapters combined, and will thus take longer to write. On another note, did you catch the references to Mother and Mother 3?**


	3. Chicken and Chicks

**Well, so begins the first official chapter. Today's victims err… characters are Lucas and Ness. I WAS going to pull out some random yaoi to have Ness and co. stumble upon, but then a certain fanfiction caught my eye. It centered around the familiar pairing, but with an interesting twist. What is this twist? Well, you'll need to read to find that out. Today's fanfiction, **_**He Said, She Said by The Great Chicken Miasma.**_ **Who is the he and who is the she? (If you've already read it, you know) **

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own the previously mentioned or any other fanfiction besides the one you are currently reading now as of Saturday, July 4th, 2012. Same with the site itself.**

* * *

Chapter 1-1

Chicken and Chicks

Two weeks had passed since Ness had first turned on the Laptop, and life was great. To deflect suspicion, they used it separately during the day, but they watched Hulu videos together during the night. Even then, they had a few narrow escapes with the neighbors. Toon was working on his typing skills, but Lucas had caught on superhumanly fast. However, as most things were in Smash Mansion, things did not take long to go to hell.

It was very early morning, and Lucas was his usual self, casually surfing the web. It didn't take long for the boy to stumble upon a new site. Clicking on the link, he found himself face to face with an immense archive of fanfiction stories. Lucas wasn't sure how exactly he got on this site, but that didn't (and still doesn't) matter. He wasted the morning away reading fanfiction after fanfiction, reading about everything from Adventure Time to Regular Show and everything in between. Finally, he came upon the games section. As he was about to click on the link to the Kingdom Hearts fanfictions, another caught his eye. The link was to the Super Smash Brothers stories.

Lucas was confused. Wasn't HE in that tournament. Why was it in the games section then? The psychic decided to assume that by games the site meant sports, which the tournament was. Clicking on the link, he was surprised, confused, and slightly terrified at the amount of stories there were on everyone. He was not sure how to start. Therefore, he clicked on the first story he saw with his name in it.

He read, and read, and read. It didn't take long to suck the young psychic into the story. Suddenly, as Lucas was absorbed in the text, there it was. That one line that boggled the mind so much, many have killed themselves in desperation. Lucas on the other hand, didn't feel confusion. He felt as if he had finally found his destiny. Grabbing a pillow, a pair of chopsticks, and Pink paint, the boy did the unthinkable.

* * *

Meanwhile, on the other side of the wall, Marth sat motionless, deep in thought. For the past few weeks, every night he had heart giggles, explosions, and gunshots. However, every time he came in to check on what his neighbors were doing, all he saw were 3 regular boys playing Monopoly. His own roommates, Ike and Roy, believed him to be insane, but he knew. The tiara prince knew that something was up, and he would not stop until he found out what was going down in Dorm 108.

Unfortunately, there wasn't a single logical answer to how the sounds were made. Marth had ruled out the idea that they were mobsters long ago, and the idea that the boys were just pretend fighting was simply ridiculous. All that the prince knew was that it must have been some foreign technology, and since an advanced Hyrule was simply ridiculous, that only left the Mother residents, Ness and Lucas. Still, he didn't know a single person that had that type of tec. At least, he had not known.

"_Wait, what about Red?" _thought the prince._ "If their worlds were just similar, then maybe, just maybe their world might have a device that's like the one that Ness, Lucas, and Toon Link all share." _

With that, a devious and cunning idea came to mind.

"Martha! Breakfast!" shouted a voice from downstairs.

"For the last time, my name is Marth!" cried the prince. While he was deep in thought, his roommates had already gotten dressed were downstairs at the table. The prince broke his trance and hurried downstairs for breakfast.

* * *

At breakfast, Toon Link and Ness discussed the odd behavior of their roommate this morning. Lucas had hogged the in-dorm bathroom, forcing his two other roommates to change in the public bathroom downstairs. When they had asked Lucas what was taking so long, he had responded in the worst, most stereotypical womanly accent ever. The two boys could hear tape and paint being slathered everywhere.

Back to the present, the two boys were discussing on what to say to Lucas when he came to eat, when the room turned to an eerie silence. Ness turned his head to see what had caused the room to see what could cause a room to shut the hell up, and saw something…else. The Room turned black, with two spotlights highlighting a scene that Ness and Toon Link would never forget. Standing before his eyes was Lucas What's-His-Last-Name in high heels in a pink handmade skirt. His skirt was stuffed cleverly with pillow feathers to make them appear to be… more desirable.

Words fail to say what was running through Ness's head. The boy sat motionless as Lucas strutted his stuff all the way to Awesome Table (the three had decided on a name for it long ago) as runway music played and sat his butt down on his usual chair. Ness had prepared for the worst humiliation/ Peach beating up Ness because he had put bad thoughts in poor Lucas's mind/ rather awkward conversation with Lucas ever, but none came.

Instead, a flurry of "ohs" and "ahs" came rushing at Awesome Table like bullet fire. Whispers of "Who's the new chick?" and "I wonder if she's single" scattered the air. Suddenly, it all became clear to Ness. Lucas had done such a good job at making himself look like a girl that no one except him and presumably Toon Link knew the truth. The only question was why.

* * *

Marth sat back down in his chair, wondering what his next move would be. After the rather…disturbing events of the morning, the swordsman was without a doubt certain that the boys were up to something. For some reason, no one seemed to notice that the "new girl" was only Lucas in high heels. He wanted to take action but he needed allies. Marth turned his head to glance at his roommates. As stupid as they were, he needed help, and they would help him one way or another.

Ike and Roy had come back from a brawl to find Marth in a Let's Have a Chat kind of mood. Usually these involved Marth trying to involve the two in a ridiculous plot that would always fail in the end. Roy began to slowly back away while Ike stood there, somewhat curious on what stupid idea the Tiara Prince had in mind. Marth sat as Roy turned around and dashed out of the room.

"Marth, what is it now?" said Ike.

"I have an..." began the Tiara Prince

"I know you have a fucking idea, Marth!" cursed Ike. "What I want to know is what the hell it is."

"Ike doesn't like my idea. Big deal," resumed Marth. "But what if I could offer you an entertainment device, unlike any you've ever known,"

Ike didn't budge. "Like a television?" said the mercenary, signaling to the T.V.

"Well, yes, but much better."

"How so?"

"I don't know! But I think the boys next door have one."

"Again with the boys! Dear Ashunera, the way you constantly talk about them one would think that you're some sort of pedophile."

"How about I order a month's load of chicken to sweeten the deal?"

At this, Ike perked up. The mercenary had a weakness for chicken. "Interesting, but I don't know who wants me to do this very dangerous task," said Ike.

Marth groaned. "Fine," said the Tiara Princess, "how about a year's worth of chicken, fresh from the farm?"  
"Deal!"

A sly grin grew on Marth's face. What Ike didn't know was that he intended to keep the chicken, and let Ike starve. Of course, he couldn't tell Ike that just yet. There was scheming to get done and research to be done against the stupid children who were still alive. At least, still alive for now.

* * *

**Okay, I admit it. I just do not do long chapters. If anyone has taken the time to notice, I updated the previous chapters a bit, which took a bit. I don't intend to have Marth be a villain for long. He's just curious. Did any one catch my Fire Emblem reference? Anyone? I also want to thank the 10 or so reviewers that took their time to tell me about how they like my story. Read and review to make a good stew! That is a terrible rhyme. **


	4. The New Punching Bag

**It's that time of the week again! Yep, it's another exciting installment in the epic new series, _Laptops, Chaos, and the Problems with Fanfiction_, by myself, Paper Riku. Last time, Lucas suddenly believed that he was a girl after reading a fanfiction. Marth began plotting to find a way to discover the secret of 108, and bribed Ike with a years worth of fresh chicken. I decided not to mention Ike's odd obsession ever again. And so, without further ado, let chapter 2 begin!**

* * *

Chapter 1-2

The New Punching Bag

"… so what you're telling me, Red, is that Ness, Lucas, and Toon Link are sharing some sort of Personal Storage device?" asked Marth. "I am sorry if this offends you, but that doesn't make any god dam scene. Why would two psychics and a cell-shaded Hyrulian want a machine for storing POKEMON of all things?"

Red rolled his eyes. The prince was beginning to become a bit of a pain to talk with. Still, the Pokémon trainer was a kindhearted sort of person, and decided to ignore the fact that Marth had been insulting him for the past twenty minutes. "Quite honestly, I have no idea what they would want to do with a PC," admitted Red. "It's the closest thing we've got here in the Pokémon regions."

This irked Marth, so the prince told his cohort to push the lever even further; bringing Red ever closer to the vat of lava so that his feet were inches from incineration.

"Is all this really necessary?" asked the Pokémon trainer.

Marth grit his teeth in frustration. "Why didn't I just drop him into the vat of lava the second I found the brat?" mumbled the rather insane prince under his breath.

"For starters, that would be murder."

"And I should care about that why?"

"Let me think oh, only because you would go to** JAIL**!"

"I would not 'go to jail' because I'm not killing you. All that would happen is that you would feel intense pain, and then turn into a trophy. Death literally has no consequence in Smash Mansion."

"True, but it would hurt worse that the feel of losing to Youngster Joey."

"Seriously, how did you lose?"

"That's what **I** want to know."

* * *

While Marth and Ike were torturing Red, Ness was making sure that no one in the mansion came to close to Lucas/Luca. Luca was his made up name when Lucas made himself a girl. Luckily for the two, not a sole besides Ness and Toon Link knew the truth. Unfortunately, it was quite tricky to stop potential suitors from attempting to hit on her without making the entire scene look like Ness "marking his territory". To make matters even worse, Ness wasn't even certain that Toon Link understood what was happening.

Sometimes Toon would get the wrong message and tell the potential suitors that Ness had claimed her. Other times Toon himself was the suitor. No matter how many times he explained the situation to his roommate, Toon would forget not even two minutes after their conversation. Eventually it came to a point where Ness gave up trying to explain everything to Toon Link repeatedly. After all, all Ness would need to do was tell him to stop, and he angrily began to march off. Toon was normal on most days, but others Ness wasn't sure.

Suddenly, Popo appeared to pop out of nowhere. Strutting write over to the psychic boy discussed as a girl, he began to flex his non-existent muscles.

"Hey there, my little princess," said the climber of ice. "How 'bout we ditch the kid and have some fun."

"Popo…" began the girl/guy. "I'm flattered, but..."

"Not another word, my darling," said the suddenly verbal boy. "Just say the word, and I'd climb the highest mountain, swim the deepest ocean, why I'd even take you shopping, that's the depths of my devotion. It will be, a dream come true, ..."

Ness rolled his eyes. If Popo thought he could woo Lucas with corny song lyrics ripped straight from _Scooby-doo and the Alien Invaders _(which Paper Riku sadly does not own the rights to), then he was sadly mistaken.

Luca's eyes lit up. "Wow, Popo! That's the most heartfelt song ever ripped from a Scooby-doo movie!" said the young "girl". "You have completely and honestly wooed me!"

Ness groaned. He just had to ask.

"So, where is it to? A walk in the park, a trip to the moon, anywhere is fine," said the Po of Po.

"A walk in the park? That sounds lovely," said Luca.

That was it. He was through with the suitors, and Toon Link, and stupid Lucas and his stupid stupidity. He walked up to Popo and shoved him to the ground, mush to Luca's astonishment.

"No." said Ness rather harshly.

"What?" said Popo.

"You heard me. Take your stupid hammer and leave."

"Hey, you can't take her. You already have Lucas to marry."

Popo finally did it. He pissed off Ness so badly that, for the first time in the Brawl tournament, Ness finally hurt someone. Lifting up Popo by the collar, Ness charged up all of his rage and frustration into a single blow.

"PK FALCON PAWNCH!" shouted Ness as his fist made contact with Popo's body.

Popo was flung like a ragdoll through three wall, rolled through the pigeon feed, and fell off of a cliff as pigeons rabidly assaulted him. The poor boy finally hit a tree to stop his momentum, knocking acorns onto his head as squirrels attacked his nuts. No, not in that way, you sick pervert.

Ness and Luca watched this from afar. "Wow, I thought that he would turn into a trophy, but I guess that the trophy system is under maintenance," said Ness. "I feel bad for the poor sap that's going to become the punching bag while the system's being repaired."

* * *

Marth and Ike laughed maniacally as they slowly brought Red closer and closer to his demise.

"Why me?" said the Pokémon Trainer as he dangled inches from a vat of boiling hot lava.

"Because you have been chosen as this series' punching bag," said Marth.

"Why not Roy or Olimar? They've been used hundreds of times," replied Red.

Suddenly, Roy strolled by the room turned torture chamber.

"Because," said Roy, "I've been used as the punching bag one times to many. Now it's your turn!"

Ike randomly decided to release the lever completely, letting Red plunge into oblivion.

"Nooooooo!" said Red.

"Ike?" asked Roy.

"What?" responded the mercenary.

"Did you just..."

"Kill Red? Naw, he'll be back next episode."

"Now that that's over, who want's cake?" asked Marth.

"We do!" said Roy and Ike simultaneously.

And so the three swordsmen went off to eat cake.

* * *

Toon Link sat in his room grumbling to himself. It wasn't fair that Ness got to have TWO lovers! Link bashed his head on the table with full force. It just wasn't fair! Suddenly, the cell-shaded child eyed the laptop at the table. Toon Link grabbed it, intent on cheering himself up with a few Hulu videos. Instead, he found an odd story on the desktop. And so he began to read. It dragged him into the story very intently. However, as he finished the chapter, he saw it. The one line. His face turned from confusion, to shock, to horror, to...

"That image!" shouted Toon Link. "Oh god can't unsee it! My poor eyes! It burns!"

Toon Link then proceeded to vomit horribly on the floor.

"My eyes!" Toon Link croaked, before passing out in the pile of vomit.

* * *

"I can't believe you!" said Luca. "I know you love me desperately, but that's just mean."

"Lucas, I'm not in love with you," said Ness. "I'm trying to save you the humiliation of being humiliated for dressing up as a girl."

"One, I'm Luca now, Nessy," said Luca. "And two, if you're not in love with me, then why did you go through all the effort of beating up Popo for me?"

Ness didn't have a response for that. Instead, he slowly backed away, slowly stepping up the stairs until he was out of sight. Then, he made a mad dash for his room, where he saw a rather unpleasant sight. Next to the table laid Toon Link, unconscious face down in a pile of vomit.

"Wait, what just happened, Toon?" asked a surprised (and rather disgusted) Ness.

"The... the fanfiction, Ness," croaked Toon Link. "The fanfiction burned my eyes!"

"That makes so much sense it doesn't."

"It explains too much. TOO MUCH!"

"I guess I better check it out, as long as I don't wind up hurling."

Ness carefully stepped over Toon Link's body and read the last line of the first chapter. Then he read the line again. And again. Ness's eyes grew wider and wider as he slowly came to realize what was happening to Lucas."

"Dear god. Lucas thinks that he's turning into a chick."

* * *

**Bum Bump Bum! Hey, look, another rhyme, a rhyme that's slightly better this time! I didn't realize that I forgot to use a fanfiction until now, and at this point I just don't care. Therefore, I'm inputting a better chapter system. Each chapter will be divided into 4 separate entries, in the style of Super Paper Mario, a game that I don't own. And yes, there is in fact a song that Popo quoted. It's called _How Groovy. _Look up Groovy song Scooby Doo and you'll see it. In other news, I'm editing chapter 3 a bit.**


	5. A Can of Win and Awesome

** After so long, I present to you the next installment in _Laptops, Chaos, and the Problems with Fanfiction! _Last time, Marth and Ike failed in their attempt to get information out of Red, accidentally sending him to the infirmary in the process, Ness and Link discovered the cause of Lucas's strange behavior, and Popo got owned by Ness's PK Falcon Pawnch! I don't own anything, minus the chapter names.**

* * *

The two heroes sat at the table valiantly. Their friend had denied his own male hood. How would they tell him the truth? So many questions, so little time.

* * *

Chapter 1-3

A Can of Win and Awesome

"What do I do?" asked Ness of Toon Link. "Should I go straight up and tell Lucas the truth? Should I let him be happy? Should I humiliate Lucas in front of everyone? What should I do, Toonie?"

"Well, let's start with not calling me Toonie ever again," sternly said the hero of wind and seas and stuff.

"Sounds good to me," replied the protagonist of Earthbound.

A groan that erupted from a nearby room suddenly interrupted the conversation. Turning to the door, the two boys saw a stretcher held up by two R.O.B. s. On said stretcher laid Red, covered in fourth degree burns. The trainer was muttering something, but his voice was so quiet that not even the robots heard him.

One of the R.O.B. s spat out slips of paper into each dorm room. A razor sharp slip headed for dorm 108, directly for Toon Link's head. The miniscule swordsman quickly dropped to the floor as the paper chopped off a bit of Toon's hair. Link looked up at his ruined hairstyle and began to sob softly.

"There, there, Link. It's okay," said Ness. "Your hair will grow back eventually."

"No it won't! It's ruined forever," replied the green one. Toon Link then proceeded to mentally break down on the floor, sobbing loudly now.

While his friend laminated the loss of his awesome hair, Ness grabbed the slip of paper that committed the crime and read the note on it aloud. "It says here that theirs going to be a party festival concert tonight in New Pork City. All of the smashers are invited, it seams," said Ness. "The party festival concert starts tonight at nine."

Link picked up his head and began to speak. "W-well that s-sounds l-lovely. Everyone there's going to be nice looking… oh Ness I can't go like this!" Link resumed sobbing on the ground. Ness looked on, cursing all R.O.B. s ever made.

* * *

Ike, Marth, and Roy had a large problem. There was no ice cream to celebrate their… they just wanted food. There was none because of the party festival concert tonight, much to their dismay. Roy had suggested throwing their own party, but they soon found it was lacking something. There was no food, music, or anything even resembling a party festival concert in their dorm, save for a karaoke machine manned by Ike.

"What do they have that we don't?" asked Marth.

"Everything?" asked the mercenary.

"That would be too simple. There must be something that if we had would fill our party with win and awesome," said Roy.

"What about a can of win and awesome?" suggested Ike. "They probably open one backstage, and suddenly the party is pure win and awesome!"

Marth face palmed before asking, "Ike, what is a can of win and awesome?"

Roy rolled his eyes, while saying, "A can full of win and awesome, Marth. It's pretty self explanatory."

"That does make sense," confessed the Tiara Prince(ess).

And so they began to craft a devious plan.

* * *

Luca walked down the hallway towards Nessie's room. Oh, he would be so happy after tonight that he would surely fall in love with him. Then they would have a baby and be happily married. It would be perfect. Mommy would be oh so proud. She kept this attitude up to when she reached her destination. She knocked on the door in the most womanly way possible. Up to the door came her dear Nessie.

"Lucas, what do you want now?" asked the boy.

"Oh, nothing," replied the "girl". "I just wanted you to know that I'll be singing at tonight's party festival concert!"

"Sounds cool. Now will you get out?"

"Sure thing, honey!"

And with that, Lucas skipped away, singing some song about how everybody wanted to be a cat.

"What was that, Ness?" asked Toon Link.

"Nothing, Toon. Just nothing," replied Ness.

* * *

The plan was foolproof, fail proof, and Ike proof. They would sneak into the party backstage, cause an enormous distraction, and casually steal the can of win and awesome while the chaos took place. The swordsmen three were armed with only the finest of espionage equipment, including smoke bombs, silenced sticky grenades, and black outfits that blended with the background. Now, all they had to do would be to wait until the party began, in approximately five hours.

* * *

And so, five hours passed in Smash Mansion. In the dorms, the smashers were debating what to wear for the party festival concert. Dorm 108 was no exception.

"So… do you think this looks cool?" asked Toon Link. He was sharply dressed in white and green, with a Minish Cap on his head to hide his ruined hair.

"Sure, Link," replied Ness. Ness was dressed similarly, in a tuxedo made by his girlfriend back home, Paula. She based it off the uniform of the Accadamy of Winters, but with his signature colors instead of the ordinary green-white combo.

"Certain, Ness?" asked Link again, a bit nervous now.

"Yes, Toon Link," replied Ness again. "You look great."

"T-thanks, Ness," replied Toon Link. "But what will we do about Lucas? He seems so set on believing that he is a girl."

"I don't know. What should I do?"

"What if we could embarrass him some how?" suggested Toon Link.

"Say again?"

"I said what if we embarrassed him so much that he didn't want to be a girl anymore?"

"Say, that sounds interesting, but how are we going to …" Ness stopped in mid sentence. They both knew what the answer to that was. If they were going to embarrass him, they had one shot and one shot only. They would have to expose him at tonight's party concert festival.

* * *

The steel wall? Not a problem. The laser security system? All it took was a single smoke bomb. Ike's sudden craving for the chicken that would be served at the party? That could become a problem. The mercenary that fought for his friends was having a difficult time concentrating on the task at hand, and it was becoming irritating for Marth and Roy to put up with his moaning.

"Ike!" snapped Roy.

"Yes?" Ike asked.

"Could you please get back to the mission at hand?" responded Roy.

"The chicken is SO GOOD!" replied Ike, and he reached at the chicken below him.

"Ike, no! That'll…" began Marth, but it was far too late. The pulley that held the three up above the ceiling snapped, sending the three plummeting to the ground, directly on top of Red, who had recuperated in the infirmary just in time for the party only to be crushed under the weight of the swordsmen.

"Roy, why did you decide to use the pulley system?" muttered Ike. "It never works."

"Don't look at me. It was Marth's idea!" replied a defensive Roy.

"I thought that it would work!" said Marth.

"Marth, pulleys never work. Ever," said Roy.

"Well excuuuse me, princess!" said Marth.

"Says the one with a Tiara on," continued Roy.

"Hey!"

While the three bickered, they didn't notice a figure draw closer to them, before finally speaking. "Looks like the mice are SMACK…. Dab in the middle of enemy territory."

"Oh dear god, not you. It could be any one, but not you."

* * *

Who is this mysterious figure and what does he want with Ike, Marth, and Roy? What will become of Toon Link and Ness' diabolical plan? Will Lucas ever regain his sanity? Find out next time, in the long awaited conclusion to Chapter One!

* * *

** Wow, the story's beginning to speed up! I'd like to see which fanfiction I should do next time in the comments. I've decided to start work on some sort of a Bio. One story isn't that impressive, but it's all I've got. So here's Riku of Paper, signing off!**


	6. The Truth is Revealed

**Hello and welcome to the stunning conclusion of Chapter One in _Laptops, Chaos, and the Problems with Fanficton!_ When we last left off, stuff happened, and in this episode, stuff happens! Don't forget to leave a suggestion on which fanfiction will be used next(ish). This chapter's going to be a bit longer than most, so just get comfortable and hang on for the ride! I don't own Nintendo or any fanfictions except my own.**

* * *

Only a single hour remained from preparation to party festival concert, and shenanigans were already underway. The three swordsmen had broken into the backstage area in floor 28 of the Empire porky building, on a quest to retrieve the mythical Can of Win and Awesome. However, their plans were to be cut short by a mysterious figure. Who was this figure, and what were his plans with Ike, Marth, and Roy?

* * *

Chapter 1-4

_The Truth shall be Revealed_

"The mice are Smack… dab in the middle of enemy territory," said the mysterious figure.

"Dear goddess, not you," said Marth. "Anyone but you!"

"What's with the Kefka reference, Pit?" asked a revealing Roy. "Why not a Nintendo character, say Dimentio?"

Pit thought and thought, long and hard, before saying, "That sounds about right, so I'll try again. And so I arrive, like a sudden windstorm at a kindergarten picnic!"

"Better," said Roy.

"Anyways, I'm here to make sure that you don't ruin the party concert festival," explained Pit.

"Isn't it a party festival concert?" questioned Ike.

"Whatever."

"It DOES matter, Pit," said Ike. "These people put lots of effort into making the title of the party festival concert, and it's not right for you to be simply ignoring the proper title. Show this party festival concert some respect!"

"Oh I'll show you some respect!"

While Pit and Ike were debating the relevancy of calling an event a party festival concert or something, Marth was actually doing something productive and trying to squirm himself loose from the pile. He was making good progress when he saw his worst fears confirmed in the corner of his eyes. From his viewpoint, he could barely make out the first few guests making their way to the punch bowl as all first guests always did. By now, they should have already been in the control room preparing to wreck havoc on the guests.

Marth finally popped out of the pile of bodies and staggered to get up. Pit turned his attention away from his argument with Ike and to Marth. Throwing one of his blades to pin Marth down, Pit moved in to attack. Seeing his partner in danger, Roy lunged into the beginning conflict, sword ablaze. Pit was soon trust aside by a well timed attack to the side, sending Pit crashing into a wall. Seeing that the blow to the wall had rendered Pit unconscious, the three got up and began to run for their lives.

* * *

Ness and Toon Link began to walk into New Pork City all slow like. Both had badass sunglasses to add to the effect. They both threw their sunglasses to the sides at the exact same time, forcing a sudden wave of "oohs" and "ahs" from the crowd. The plan was going smoothly. At least, it was until Lucas arrived. The "girl" somehow arrived in a flying limousine, before stepping out in a gorgeous new dress. The design was a perfect white, coming down to just above the ground. Immediately, the spotlights that normally highlighted the immense Empire Porky Building were aimed directly at Lucas, making "her" look even more attractive. The entire crowd roared with cheering.

Luca finally came to the lobby, where the main party was taking place. Luca ran up to Peach and hugged her, and they began to make idle chat. In humiliation of being stood up by Lucas of all people, the Ness and Toon came up to floor 28, where the concert would take place. There were a few other people at the punch table, so the two went there to make idle chat with the others. Without warning, there was a sudden crash behind the curtain that made them all jump, followed by a few random curses spat out like gunfire. This silenced the crowd, so they simply waited for the concert to begin.

* * *

Meanwhile, Ike, Marth, and Roy all dashed through hoards of equipment, fearing for their lives. They all knew that if more people became suspicious, they would surely look for what was the cause of the entire ruckus. If they did, they would surely find out about the plot and report to Master Hand. If that happened… no one dared to think about that. Not helping was the fact that every few minutes or so, one of them would trip and fall on something that could cause a loud noise, like a gong or pan or noisemaker (why was that even there?). It was surely only a matter of time before someone found them.

Therefore, it did happen, albeit in an unpredicted and rather odd manner. Roy was leading the group on wards when he crashed into someone else, that person being Luca. "What would you be doing here?" asked Luca. "I didn't know that you were working backstage."

Now, before one continues, it is important to recognize three very important facts. The first being that only Marth knew whom Luca really was, and was two unnerved to say a thing. The second being that Roy was fourteen where Luca was thirteen, making her fair game. The third being that in the few short seconds that he had met the girl, Roy had completely fallen for Luca. Put two and two and two together and one can see a rough understanding on how Roy was feeling just about now. That is to say, speechless.

"L…Luca! Y…you lock beautiful!" stammered out Roy. "Why, y…you'd win any beautiful in seconds!"

"That's nice and all, but you didn't answer my question," responded Luca. "What are you and your friends doing here?"

"W…e, we're, um… selling chocolates to the crew?" awkwardly responded Roy. "I mean… don't all crew members get hungry sometimes?"

There was a long moment of silence. "Of course!" replied Luca. "That makes perfect sense!" Thank goddess that Luca was a stereotypical blonde.

"Well I guess that we've got to be moving!" interrupted Ike. "Crew members don't feed themselves!" With that, the tree dashed off, in search of the control room.

* * *

The concert started smoothly with a bout of smooth jazz done rather well by the Ice Climbers, Popo and Nana, followed by a rock concert by Barbarossa. Now it was a brief melody of twelve popular songs dedicated to the original twelve smashers. Following would be the greatest exposure humanity would ever see.

Ness turned his head to see that Toon Link was nowhere in sight. It seemed like he would do the deed himself. He turned to the backstage entrance, when the music cut suddenly. An unsettling silence filled the room when…

"Can you see?" blared the speakers. "The sun is shining on me. It makes me feel so free. So alive. It makes me want to survive. And the sky…" this continued for about a few minutes, with everyone muttering questions like "what?" and "how the…" every so often.

This was all nice and dandy of course, until the main chorus cut in. "Can you feel the sunshine? Does it brighten up your day?" blared the speakers. Immediately Sonic and Tails, who were before feeling a bit nervous and yet nolgastic, immediately broke down into two heaping fits. This, for some odd reason, made everyone else imitate them, most likely believing that it was a dance move or something. Ness simply stood there, staring at the chaos. If this was some sort of decoy, it was working perfectly.

* * *

The decoy was working perfectly. Just as planned, the distraction will keep them occupied until it was far too late, and they would have stolen the can of win and awesome. This is why they were creeping towards the hallway, where they were certain that the can of win and awesome was located. Unfortunately, they happened to run into a very disappointed Luca.

"Roy!" snapped Luca. "You're not really a cookie deliverer, are you."  
"Um... Luca, I can…"

"Savatouging parties? You're better than this, Roy!"

"But the ice cream and the guys, and the..."

"This was your choice, Roy! You and I know this."

"It's all true! I wanted to steal the can of win and awesome, but then I met you, and…"

Luca put her fingers to Roy's lips. "Shush, Roy. I…, I can't trust you anymore. Now, if you excuse me, I have a performance." And with that, she left.

Roy stood there as she left the room, leaving him alone with his teammates. It only took seconds for the boy to fall into a heaving sob. Ike looked sympathetically at him, while Marth was thinking about something else entirely.

"Did you see…" began Marth.

"I know! The nerve of some people!" said Ike.

"No! I mean what was in her hand!" corrected Ike. "It was a can, or better yet, THE CAN!"

"Sounds great, but we need to get Roy back home. We can't just let him stay here like this," explained Ike. "Think about all the blackmail he'll receive in the morning!"

This was a heard choice. On one hand, this could be his first, last, and only chance to get the can of win and awesome. However, what was more important? Was it ice cream, or friends? He thought about it for a split second until he realized the only obvious choice. Without another thought, he lunged through the door and tried to tackle Lucas, completely missing the "girl", and instead crashing into a box of pig themed memorabilia. Ike pondered whether he should help him, and finally decided to wait until Marth regained consciousness to help him home. In the meanwhile, he'd wait here.

* * *

With the song over and no distractions in his way, Ness dashed backstage, intent on humiliating Luca. Just like he predicted, Lucas was preparing for his stage entrance, with an odd can in his hand. Ness saw the mike and lifted it in his hand, letting it "accidentally" fall to the ground.

"Luca, stop this madness now," said Ness. "Before you do something you might regret."

"Like what?" replied an annoyed Lucas.

"Like singing in front of the entire mansion."  
"What's so bad about that?"  
"Because when this all blows over and the truth comes out, you're going to regret it."

"What truth?"

Ness glanced at the microphone below their feet. It was now or never. Ness kicked at the ground, hitting a button on the microphone, turning it on.

"The truth you've been hiding from everyone the past two days."

"I still don't understand what you're getting at, Ness."  
"The truth that you're really a BOY, Lucas!" screamed Ness.

As if on cue, the curtains panned away, revealing Ness, Lucas, and the shocking truth. An immense gasp rang throughout the crowd. However, that was when something unexpected happened. Lucas broke down crying and dashed off the stage, into the hallway. The crowd (and Ness) stood silent.

"You dick," said Sonic. "All Lucas wanted to do was be a girl, and you couldn't give him even that."

This hit hard for Ness, and he ran after Lucas. Seconds after, Barbarossa dashed on stage, picking up the Can of Win and Awesome that Luca… Lucas dropped after the "incident", and looked out to the crowd.

"Are you ready to rock?" asked the rock star.

"Yeah!" responded the crowd.

"Then lets PARTY!" exclaimed Barbarossa. She then proceeded to open the Can of Win and Awesome, raising the party level to an 11. An epic rave soon proceeded. In the background, one could almost hear something, almost like a groaning sound. The party would continue and be known forever as the greatest party ever made.

* * *

Ness ran through the halls until he came to the suites, where the guests that got too drunk, sugar high, or just plain lazy even to walk home stayed. Eventually he found the only room in occupancy. He knocked three times before coming in, before he realized that he had made a huge mistake. Lucas was standing in the center of the room, staring at Ness seductively. He was half naked, with a towel covering… things.

"Come on, Nessie," said Lucas. "Did you really think that I would get mad at you for that little thing? I WAS going to go tell everyone eventually. Besides, now's the time where the fun starts!"

Ness was half-disturbed yet half-curious at what Lucas was implying. "What do you mean by 'where the fun starts'?" asked Ness.

"Why, this is the part where we make babies together, silly!"

If there was any calmness in Ness, it all left. "WHAT DO YOU MEAN 'make babies together'?" exclaimed Ness.

"We get on the bed, roll off, and tickle each other until we fall asleep!" answered Lucas. "Then sometime later we'll have a child and get married! Isn't it wonderful?"

Ness was disturbed at what he was implying, yet at the same time amused at his lack of understanding how people "make babies". Still, if that was his description, he might as well. Chances are it'll get him to shut up. "Okay, Lucas," answered Ness. " I'll make babies with you."

"Great! Let's get started!" Lucas immediately ripped off his towel revealing his… you-know-what. Luckily, for Ness, this confirmed that Lucas was a boy. Unfortunately for Ness, this image burned itself into his mind. Ness dropped to the floor, curling into a fetus position and shielded his eyes.

"My eyes!" exclaimed Ness. "DEAR GOD I CAN'T UNSEE IT!"

At the same time, Peach slipped from the rave into the hallway, searching for Lucas. She heard him screaming something, so she assumed that it was Ness tormenting Lucas. When she got up there the things she would do to that troublesome boy. What she saw instead, was… something else. Lucas was naked standing over a cowering Ness shouting thing like "RECEAVE ME!" and "DO IT!"

"My word Lucas! Stop frightening Ness!" shouted Princess Toadstool.

"Ness needs to stop whining and RECEAVE ME!" shouted Lucas.

"Lucas…" began Peach. It was at this time she noticed Lucas's *BEEP*. "L-Lucas?" asked Peach.

"Yes?" answered Lucas.

"You're not really a girl, are you?" asked Peach.

"What do you mean?"

"Girls… don't have that, that thing," said Peach. She waved to Lucas's nether regions. "Those are for boys."

"Oh. Does that mean…"

"Uh hum."

"And Ness just…"

"Correct."  
"So I should just…"

"Yep."

"Oh. Sorry for all this trouble, maim."

"No problem."

Peach then proceeded to walk out of the room, cursing her womanly sense of compassion.

When Lucas finally regained his clothes (and senses), he woke up an unconscious Ness.

"Is it… over?" asked Ness.

"Yes, Ness. It's over," responded Lucas.

"Good."

Ness opened his eyes and led the way as he headed towards the exit… walking straight into Toon Link.

"Toon Link!" exclaimed Ness. "Where were you!"

", IT'S NOT MY FAULT!" exclaimed Toon Link. He immediately broke down sobbing.

"What's the problem?" asked Lucas.

"The laptop… someone stole it."

* * *

** I really need to stop making these cliffhangers. Props to myself for making a longer chapter! Anyways, as I said last chapter, I am taking requests on which fanfiction I should do next chapter. The next update's probably is going to be VERY SHORT. It'll be a short reflection on the events of Chapter 1. Anyways, don't forget to read, review, and whatever else you people do.**


	7. Signs of what is to Come

**Well, it has certainly been a while. Many delays have prevented me from typing before, but now there aren't any. Again, sorry for the longer wait, I hope that you do not mind. So now, without further delay, let us begin the epilogue of chapter one!**

* * *

Chapter 1-E

_Signs of What is to Come_

* * *

Ness, Lucas, and Toon Link stood in shock at the door to Dorm 108. Clothes lay scattered throughout the room. Desks and drawers lay on the floor, some even chipped. The room in it's entirety was destroyed. It was heart wrenching. However, the worst thing about the scene wasn't any of the before mentioned things. It was not the scattered clothes. It was not the damaged desks. It was not the drawers, lying on the floor. No, the worst thing to come from this catastrophic event was what sat on the untouched table at the center of what was once their room. Or more to say, what _wasn't there_ at the center of what was once their room.

"I… I can't believe it's gone," said Lucas, tears in his eyes.

"Who would do such an evil thing?" questioned the one beside him.

"I… I don't know," said another. "I don't know."

"But I know one thing."

"What's that?"

"They will pay."

"Well that's informative,"

"Shut up,!"

* * *

The cell shaded boy sat in the shade of the tree. He looked dazed, with a bored expression spread across his face. The heat of the day seemed to become unbearable, when he saw a small figure dash across the fields. As the figure

"Please, I need your help," cried Diddy Kong.

"Why, why should I help you?"

"It's… them again."

"You don't mean..."

"But I do"

Toon Link saw into the monkey's eyes. They were of desperation. Still, Diddy Kong was completely out of character. However, if by some chance the kid was serious… no, he could not think of the consequences. He was at the mercy of the monkey. They looked into each other's eyes for a brief moment, and realized what they had to do.

"Wait, what?"

* * *

And so, the first chapter of a new story draws to a close. There are mysteries to discover, mysteries to solve, and tales to read. The mysteries of the laptop have only begun to be uncovered. "What chaos will the laptop bring?" you say. Well, I believe that the laptop itself is not the one that brings forth chaos. Perhaps it is the ones who discover it's mystery simply cannot handle what they see. Some believe it tells of the future. Others believe that it tells lies. Others want me to shut up with this poetic nonsense and end the chapter already. So I will. Without further ado…

END OF CHAPTER!

* * *

**Wow, 1st chapter's finally done. If you put in a suggestion, don't worry. I've written all of them down. However, I have already got the next chapter started, so these ideas will _probably _be used in Chapter 3. The next chapter will focus on Toon Link and Diddy Kong, for the most part. I already know what you're thinking. It won't focus on the story used as heavily, but instead on the relationship that is born because of it, and how it brings them together. On second thought, that probably makes the next chapter seem too friendship-y. Too bad I can't tell you anything interesting without spoiling it. Chapter 2-1 should come out sometime today or tomorrow. So until then, see you next chapter!**


	8. Relevancy Crisis!

** What, did you think I meant _last Friday? _Welcome ladies and gentlemen, to the second chapter in _Laptops, Chaos, and the Problems with Fanfiction!_ This chapter's fanfic, _Trains to Seas by Tune4Toons._ I certainly hope the last chapter got you excited for this, if not, oh well! So, without further ado, let's start Chapter 2-1!**

* * *

Chapter 2-1

Relevancy Crisis!

* * *

Ness, Lucas, and Toon Link stood in shock at the door to Dorm 108. Clothes lay scattered throughout the room. Desks and drawers lay on the floor, some even chipped. The room in it's entirety was destroyed. It was heart wrenching. However, the worst thing about the scene wasn't any of the before mentioned things. It was not the scattered clothes. It was not the damaged desks. It was not the drawers, lying on the floor. No, the worst thing to come from this catastrophic event was what sat on the untouched table at the center of what was once their room. More specifically, what _wasn't there_ at the center of what was once their room.

"I… I can't believe it's gone," said Lucas, tears in his eyes.

"Who would do such an evil thing?" questioned Ness.

"I… I don't know, Ness," said another. "I don't know."

"But I know one thing."

"What's that?"

"They will pay."

"Well that's informative, Ness."

"Shut up, Link!"

Lucas broke up the argument. "Stop. Just, stop," said Lucas. "We've already lost the laptop. Now all we have are each other."

Toon Link sighed, saying "Look, Lucas. I understand that you want to be the leader of this group, but let's admit it. YOU'RE THE REASON THAT THIS WHOLE MESS HAPPENED!"

Ness thought for a moment, then spoke. "Wait… were not you in the room when The Laptop was stolen?"

"Yes," responded Link.

"Then what happened when it was stolen?" asked Ness.

"Well…" began Toon Link, hinting at the beginning of a flashback scene.

* * *

Toon Link sat on his bed. Planning humiliation for other people was hard work. He went back to the dorm feeling "exhausted". Oh, how he would love a cookie right now. Just as he thought that, a cookie fell, right outside the door. Of course, falling cookies were natural here, and clearly did not look anywhere near suspicious. The author sincerely apologizes for insulting you, the reader's intelligence.

"Oh look, a cookie!" cried Link. "That clearly did not look anywhere near suspicious!" He began to skip over to the cookie until he realized an important fact. Cookies did not fall from the sky.

"Wait a minute, cookies don't fall from the sky!" remembered the cell shaded boy. "But why would there be a cookie right there?" Well, stupid boy, Red knows, as well as Marth, Ike, and Roy, that you have a laptop, not to mention anyone that they told.

"But how would I know that?" asked Toon Link. You… you wouldn't. Well then, go on. Even still, how do you expect to keep that a secret for that long?

"Ignoring you now, Mr. Author. Bye!" said that disrespectful little brat. "Well, ex-…" Stop. I will personally torment you for the rest of the story if you say that. And with that, stupid Toon Link went off to eat the cookie. Upon doing so, he discovered a trail of cookies, and followed them all the way to New Pork City. There, he realized what he had done, and tried to hide the fact from Ness and Lucas. Ironically, in his attempt to evade his friends, he ran into them.

* * *

"… and that's when you showed up," concluded Toon Link. Wouldn't you know, Ness and Lucas were not amused.

"So… you cost us the laptop… over a COOKIE!" screamed Ness.

"A trail of cookies," corrected Toon Link. "But, that doesn't matter, right guys? Right?"

* * *

The injuries weren't THAT bad, but Toon Link still needed to put an ice pack over a bruise on his cheek. Which, to say, was a very big bruise. The cell shaded boy sat in the shade of the tree. He looked dazed, with a bored expression spread across his face. The heat of the day seemed to become unbearable, when he saw a small figure dash across the fields. As the figure dashed across... screw it, just cut to the conversation.

"Please, I need your help," cried Diddy Kong.

"Why, why should I help you?"

"It's… them again."  
"You don't mean..."

"But I do"

Toon Link saw into the monkey's eyes. They were of desperation. Still, Diddy Kong was completely out of character. However, if by some chance the kid was serious… no, he could not think of the consequences. He was at the mercy of the monkey. They looked into each other's eyes for a brief moment, and realized what they had to do.

"Actually, Diddy I have absolutely no idea what you mean," said Toon Link.

"Dude… wait you don't?"

"Not a clue."

"Oh."

"So… what?"

"Well… you know the standards that the Board goes through to decide the peps that get in the tournament, right?"

"Everyone does."

"Well… one of them is relevancy."

"So?"

"If no one cares about you, it's the same as not being in a game, right?"

"Uh… yeah," said Toon Link, slowly beginning to realize what the monkey was implying.

"Suppose no one cared about me..."

"Then you would no longer be relevant."

"And no one doses."

Toon Link couldn't argue with that. Despite being one of the best fighters in the tournament, Diddy Kong was always just… there. He was not popular, not hated. He was just there, in the background.

Even still, Toon Link was still a bit confused. "What does this have to do with me?"

"Suppose a character was hated to a… extreme degree," said Diddy Kong. "Wouldn't the board be pressured to cut said character?"

"You're not talking about me, are you?"

"Let me say it loud and clear: People hate you for being another Link."

"Oh," said the boy. Toon Link was awfully used to getting hated for being another Link. "Then that means…"

"That there's a good chance you'll be cut. And once you're cut, what's to say that you won't just become forgotten?"

"I get it. But what can I do?"

"I have an idea…" began the monkey.

* * *

The three swordsmen dashed down the flaming halls, screaming like small children. One second they were trying to figure out what they were doing unconscious in their room, the next they were running from a fire that engulfed the entire mansion. Oddly enough, no one else seemed to notice.

"Hand it over!" a voice shouted from the flames.

"We don't have it!" cried Roy. "It was the Girl Scouts!"

"What Girl Scouts?" asked Ike.

"Um…. Nothing," nervously said Roy.

"Come on!" said another voice. "It's pointless to run!"

"We don't know what you're talking about!" cried Marth.

"We know you stole it!" said the 1st voice.

"Stole what?" cried Marth.

"Our laptop!" said the two voices in unity.

From out of the flames came Ness and Lucas. The two psychics quickly blocked the only exit, trapping the five in the mansion. Both boys began to slowly step towards them, red goop splattered across their clothing. Needless to say, the swordsmen were terrified. Very, very, terrified.

* * *

"So... this is your room?" asked Toon Link, as he walked into Diddy Kong's room.

"Yep," replied the monkey.

"In the Jungle?"

"I guess…" began the monkey.

"With Junuuugle Money?" interrupted Toon- wait, are you about to do a reference to something?

"Uh…" said the boy.

Never mind, then. Wow, the little respect characters have for the author these days…

Diddy quickly changed the subject, saying "Anyways, this is where we will stage the Master Plan."

"What's the Master Plan?"

"I'll reveal it… NEXT CHAPTER!"

"Oh."

"For now, lets go wreck havoc on the mansion!"

The two proceeded to walk out of the room… straight into a burning fire. Screams seemed to echo from the walls. The two began to, very slowly, step back into the room.

* * *

Three minutes can seem like a very long time. Of course, it will seem like three hours when you spent the three minutes being beaten to near death by two thirteen year olds. That, needless to say, was the position our three swordsmen found themselves in.

"Oh Arceus, when will it end?" cried out Red.

"Wait, when did you get here?" asked Lucas.

"I don't know!" replied the Pokémon trainer.

"Oh well!" decided Ness. "If he wants to be beaten savagely, he can be beaten savagely!"

"But I don't!" responded Red.

"That's your problem!" responded Ness.

While the two were taking turns savagely beating Red, Marth, Ike, and Roy slowly but surely made their way towards the door. Almost as if the Author hated them, the door proceeded to burst into flame. Cursing my name under his breath, Roy quickly looked for an exit, only to find a butter knife. Wow, tormenting the characters **is **fun!

"Look, a window!" realized Ike.

And you just realized this now.

With that, they all climbed out of their window… and fell two stories, into an unassuming vat of lava. Karma's a b****, ain't it?

"Yeah, mine," replied Ike, the devious, perverted back talker.

* * *

The fall hurt. It hurt a lot. Then again, you all should know that whenever I get involved, someone gets hurt. Anyways, lets go back to everyone's favorite monkey, Donkey Kong. What, did you really think I was going to say Diddy Kong? You should know better by now.

DK stood, watching the mansion burn to the ground. By now, the kids should have killed them by now. But that wasn't his problem. All that mattered was that his employer was satisfied. Still, there was the case of his younger cousin and his newfound friend. Hopefully, by now that boy should have lost interest in his friend. If that didn't work… then he would need to take drastic measures.

* * *

And so ends the beginning of the second chapter. There are many questions to be answered, like at the beginning of most chapters. Why did Diddy really seek out Toon Link? What, did you really buy that fake "Relevancy Crisis" story? It was a sham, a ruse, a wrap, a trap! What is DK up to? Who is this employer? Why won't I stop breaking the Fourth Wall? Why should you care about any of this? Find out next time, in _Laptops, Chaos, and the Problems with Fanfiction!_

* * *

**Whew! My sincerest apologies for the awfully long wait. I don't have anything else to say, except to ask for you to Read and Review. So, Read and Review! And don't forget to give suggestions for the next chapter's fanfiction! Please use specific words, if you want a pairing, suggest a fanfiction with said pairing. See you next time!**


	9. My Smash Partner is a Monkey!

** Hurrah! I'm not dead! Welcome, Ladies and Gentlemen to the newest installment in _Laptops, Chaos, and the Problems with Fanfiction!_ I've done a few tiny changes to some other chapters, in case you wanted to know. I've been busy for a bit, so don't worry about this story ever going to waste. Now that we are all on the same page, let us go ON TO THE NEXT CHAPTER!**

* * *

Diddy Kong and Toon Link have started a new (if not forced) friendship. But is this too good to be true? Of course it is! Donkey Kong pretty much confirmed this last chapter! Let the chaos and doom commence! So… yeah, that. Welcome to…

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Chapter 2-2

My Smash Partner is a Monkey

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I used to live in a human dorm where everyone was (mostly) the same. Now I live with a chimpanzee to save myself from… uh… pain. Screw it; make up the rest of the lyrics. Any who, it was about midday, and half of the mansion was on fire. Lucas and Ness had gone psychopathic on Roy, Marth, and Ike. Red was feeling pain. Diddy Kong and Toon Link were lying around in Diddy's dorm. Diddy was telling Toon Link his master plan to save them both from going into obscurity. So yeah, that. Dialogue now.

"As I was waiting until now to say, the plan is simple," began the monkey. "If we want to be noticed, why not launch a publicity stunt?"

"Sure… wait, what?" asked a confused Toon Link.

"Why don't we do something so big, everyone will notice?" clarified Diddy Kong.

"Oh," said Link. "So… what's the plan?"

"Well… what if we set off a chain of balloons with our faces on them?"

"What?"

"What do you mean, 'what'?"

"This you call a big reveal?"

"Uh… yeah."

"Whatever. Sounds great, but how are we supposed to do that?"

"I have a plan…"

* * *

"Why did I ever let you drag me into this?" asked Roy.

"Because we all wanted ice cream," answered Marth.

Roy, Marth, and Ike crawled along the fields just outside Smash Mansion. Flame had already engulfed practically half of the Mansion. Thorn covered, tired, and terrified that Lucas and Ness would find and kill them, they all stayed relatively close to the ground. It was only a matter of time before they all went rather mad. And mad they went.

"Water…" muttered out Ike.

"Food…" muttered out Roy.

"Ice cream…' muttered out Marth.

The others turned to glare at Marth. "You're telling me, that we're tired, hungry, and terrified out of our minds, and you are thinking of ice cream of all things?" asked Ike, clearly bothered.

"Uh… yes?" hesitantly answered Marth.

"Really?"

"Yes."

"Really, really?"

"Yes, yes."

"Really, really, really?"

"That's it!" cried out Roy with the last of his strength. Struggling to his feet, he limped off away.

"We don't take deserters!" shouted out Marth. With all his strength, he tackled Roy to the ground.

"Let go of me, you madman!" responded Roy, struggling to break free of Marth's grip.

"Quiet down!" sternly cried out Ike. "We don't want to alert…"

"There you three are!" two voices shouted out simultaneously. Somehow, from a two-story window, Lucas and Ness leaped out, eager to resume tormenting the three swordsmen. Fire flew out from their hands, setting ablaze almost the entire field. As they drew closer, all hope seemed lost. The three merely waited for their inevitable demise.

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Donkey Kong ran through the burning mansion. This was not going according to plan. Then again, can anyone really have faith in a plan that relies on both manipulating your nephew/cousin/little friend, and the anger of two young psychic children? Clearly this stupid monkey did. Still, there was a way to save the mission from completely failing. A burning wooden rod fell to Donkey Kong's feet. With the gracefulness of, well… a monkey, he jumped over the hazard, intent on reaching his destination.

The underground chamber was completely dark, save for a few illuminating torches. Regardless, there was little to no visibility. Donkey Kong didn't need any. He had traversed this path far too many times to need any. At the far corner of the chamber sat a hooded figure.

"You have failed, I see," said the hooded figure.

"_My lord, please!" _began Donkey Kong in monkey speak. "_This plan has failed yet!"_

A red light appeared. It flickered, gave a few beeps, and then died.

"I see," said the hooded figure. "But do not fail me, monkey. This is crucial to the Master Plan."

"_Yes, lord," _replied the monkey.

The red light flashed again. More beeps echoed throughout the room, and the red light was no more.

"When this is over, we will be in control of the entire mansion," said the hooded figure. "But we must be wary of the Five. They must not know of our plan."

"_I see." _

This time, no beeps came. "Now, go and complete the mission."

Donkey Kong fled the chamber, heading back to surface level and out of the mansion. Yet on the rooftop, a monkey and his boy were up to no good.

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"Diddy Kong, are you CERTAIN that this will work?" asked Toon Link.

"Positive," replied Diddy Kong.

"This doesn't look like a good idea," said Toon Link.

"Are you going to help me inflate these balloons, or not?" asked Diddy.

"Fine," replied the hero of *insert energy/item/quantum theory here*.

The two sat on stools above the mansion, inflating cute little harmless balloons. Diddy Kong checked on his Rocket Barrels several times to see if they would work, and if they could hold two passengers. It was dull and boring work, but it had to be done. Toon Link glanced down, to see his friends playing fun little games with Marth, Ike, and Roy. You could hear their screams of laughter even from up on the rooftop. Toon Link sighed. He missed his friends, longed to be friends just one more time. He longed to laugh with them, as the swordsmen were. They were having fun.

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Let it be known that Ike, Marth, and Roy were NOT having fun being savagely beaten and tortured by small children. It was, in fact, quite the opposite, as you would believe. Repeatedly they beat them with sticks, baseball bats, yo-yos, and large pans. Sores formed on their body.

"Where is the laptop?" asked Ness.

"What's a laptop?" asked Roy.

Ness slapped Roy. Roy crumbled to the ground.

"What did you do to the laptop?" asked Ness.

"I don't know!" shouted Ike.

Ness whacked Ike with his baseball bat. Ike crumpled to the ground, beside Roy.

"Who do you work for?"

"We don't work for… wait, what?" Marth asked, confused.

Ness punched Marth in the gut. Marth crumpled to the ground, alongside his friends. Marth groaned.

"Give back our laptop!" Lucas shouted, before setting them all on fire.

They could only muster up small whimpers.

"Give it back!" Lucas prepared to set off another barrage of fire bolts, until Ness stopped him.

"They… don't have it," said Ness.

"You realize this now?" muttered Marth.

"No one asked you!" shouted Ness, and he proceeded to hurl a pan at the prince's head.

With that, they ran off to find the jerk that stole the laptop.

* * *

Donkey Kong was running out of time. Master would be furious if he failed. How was he supposed to stop his insane nephew from destroying the entire mansion? _Curse that stupid laptop, _thought the monkey. _When this is all over, I'll crush that laptop, no matter what the consequences are._ If only he hadn't read that one story. If only.

Donkey Kong burst through the walls into Diddy Kong's room. He took quick glances around the room. _I'm too late, _thought Donkey Kong. _My insane nephew and that blasted boy are already onto the roof._ However, Donkey Kong often didn't listen to anyone, even himself. He smashed a window and climbed outside. He began to climb all the way too the roof, completely ignoring the staircase right beside him. Why the architects placed a staircase outside I will never know.

Kong's hand finally reached top. He pulled himself up on to the roof, only to find his nephew clinging to that blasted child, ready to hurl them both off the building. He charged at them both.

"_Stop!" _cried the monkey. "_Don't…"_

He was cut off by the sound of popping balloons.

"_Noooo!"_

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"Darn it, Link!" yelled Diddy Kong. "All of our balloons are popping!"

"Don't blame me!" replied Toon Link. "Besides, those are just the ones that didn't fit into the bag."

The two were an odd sight to see, even if you ignore the flying monkey clinging for dear life to a cell-shaded Hyrulian Miis, Pokémon, Smashers, and others looked to the skies to see this odd sight. A large crowd gathered.

"Look! In the sky!" cried Peach.

"What is it?" asked Zelda.

"It's a balloon!" yelled some random person.

"It's a bird!" yelled some person guy.

"It's Captain Rainbow!" said Red. Everyone glared at Red. A person in the crowd threw a pan at Red's head.

"It's Toon Link!" realized Link. "And some random other monkey no one cares about!"

"Hey!" angrily responded that random other monkey nobody cares about.

I like being cruel.

* * *

Toon Link readied the first wave of balloons, and let go.

* * *

Marth, Ike, and Roy looked to the skies, searching desperately searching for anyone that could save them. Why they looked to the skies was anyone's guess. What they saw instead was a very different scenario. Waves of balloons fell from the sky, only for the wind to catch them. Still, the balloons fell closer and closer to the earth, to excited masses.

"What in the world…" began Roy. He was cut off by a wave of screams that echoed thorough the fields. The swordsmen looked off to their right, where a glow of red lit up the skyline. The three limped towards the red glow, searching for civilization. They got civilization, but much more than that.

* * *

"What's going on?" asked Toon Link, gesturing towards the ground below. They too saw the red glow below.

Diddy Kong was quick to respond. "It's probably nothing! I mean… what could we have done to cause that? All we did…"

"was drop a few hundred balloons to the ground. I get t. You're covering something up," finally realized Toon Link.

Seriously, it took you all this long to figure this out?

"No I'm not!" responded the monkey.

"That is the worst attempt at covering something up I have ever seen in my life," said Toon Link.

"Fine, but you don't understand!" Diddy Kong pleaded. "It's because…"

* * *

"Oh Goddess, what is this?" asked Ike. They had finally made it to the source of the red glow, where people were fleeing in terror from… balloons. Balloons that glowed brighter and brighter every second. Roy reached towards on of the balloons, much to the shock of his friends. Nothing happened.

"This is ridiculous!" yelled Roy. "They're just…"

Then the balloons exploded.

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Do I really have to do this? Really? Seriously, I can't say anything without spoiling everything! Why? No! I won't let you make me! You can't make me! Stop it! What? Fine, stupid author, whatever. Blah, blah, blah, insert some cheesy quote about the meaning of life or something stupid like that. Wait, we're already at the end? Sweet!

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_**Mockingjay,**_** anyone? No one? Oh. Like I care *sheds tear*. Anywho, next chapter will reveal everything that you want to know about the Kongs, the balloons, why I picked **_**Trains to Seas **_**(there is a reason, I promise!), among other things. In case you're wondering, I'll probably take a short break from this story once I finish Chapter 3, so be prepared. That's all I have to say. This is Paper Riku, and good night ladies and gentlemen, good night. **


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